THE MORRISSEY PLAYS

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San Francisco Theater Pub is pleased to announce that our popular PINT-SIZED PLAYS event will be returning for a sixth year but first, right now, we are accepting script submissions from playwrights for THE MORRISSEY PLAYS.

Disappointed? That’s fine. MORRISSEY doesn’t need your love. Yours, or anybody else’s.

Conceived by head writer/director Stuart Bousel (from an idea by Nirmala Nataraj), THE MORRISSEY PLAYS is an evening of short plays that take place in a bar and involve people drinking heavily and talking about MORRISSEY, and/or living the way MORRISSEY would want them to live, if he wanted anything from anybody. Which he doesn’t. The 2016 MORRISSEY PLAYS will happen January 18, 19, 25, and 26 at PianoFight in downtown San Francisco.Because PianoFight is where Theater Pub performs and because January is the saddest month of the year.

The Rules:

* Plays must be no longer than the time it takes MORRISSEY to take off his shirt at a concert. This means plays may be as short as a few seconds, but no longer than two songs from “Vauxhall and I” (i.e. 10 minutes, or 8 pages). Additionally, each play should be titled after (and ideally inspired by) a MORRISSEY song. Yes, Smiths songs are an option. Duh.

* Plays must require no more than four actors. None of those actors can or will be MORRISSEY. None of the characters should be either. This isn’t a MORRISSEY drag show. Though if you’re the sort of person who would buy tickets to that- PLEASE APPLY.

* All of the characters in the play should drink. Sober conversations about MORRISSEY are the worst. At least half of them should smoke too, but we can’t smoke in bars any more. THANKS PEOPLE WHO WANT TO LIVE.

* Plays must take place in a bar. The kind of bar MORRISSEY fans would hang out in. This is for both thematic and logistical reasons. The plays will be performed in the bar space of the PianoFight building and the only set items we can guarantee are tables, chairs, and drinks. We can not and will not guarantee MORRISSEY.

* Plays must respect the bar space. PianoFight is incredibly supportive of our company, but in return, we need to be worthy of their trust. Don’t demand that actors do anything in your play that you wouldn’t do in a bar yourself. Except maybe talk about MORRISSEY. These plays aren’t about YOU, okay?

* Submissions should be emailed to theaterpub@atmostheatre.com, with the subject line “Last Name, First Name – Title of a MORRISSEY song”. Attach the script to the email as a PDF or Word doc. All scripts should include playwright’s name and contact information.

* Submission deadline is midnight Pacific time, October 25, 2015. Midnight is the time which suits MORRISSEY best because wistful sighs are loudest at midnight, and the light that shines from your window as MORRISSEY stares longingly at it from the shadows has the highest contrast. Selected plays will be announced in November “Spawned A Monster” 2015. (please note: MORRISSEY is the monster).

The Suggestions:

*MORRISSEY is a vegetarian. We are sincerely hoping at least one show is titled “Three MORRISSEY Fans Eat Hamburgers And Talk About MORRISSEY.”

*MORRISSEY is super divisive. You don’t have to like MORRISSEY to submit to this project. You just have to have an opinion and a good working knowledge of the MORRISSEY songbook. Don’t lie about this. We’ll know.

*Extra points if you can actually justify any song on “Kill Uncle” or come up with an explanation for the track list on “Hatful of Hollow”.

*Monologues are totally accepted. Particularly ones that open or close with “Fuck MORRISSEY.”

*MORRISSEY is a romantic poet’s wet dream and one witty-ass motherfucker- the 20th century’s answer to Oscar Wilde and Lord Byron, blither than Annie Lennox, sulkier than Lana Del Rey, too dark to be pop, too lazy to be goth, gayer than Suede (both Suedes), more hetero-depresso than Roy Orbison, the spiritual love child of Chris Isaac and Freddie Mercury, built by God to outlast even Madonna and most definitely Lady Gaga, able to hold the hands of Taylor Swift fans everywhere, look deeply into their eyes, and gently diagnose them as the human failures they are. So we’ll be looking for lyrical, dia-logo-magical stuff here. Or stuff that’s just really funny. I mean, seriously- how can anyone take MORRISSEY seriously? Especially post Johnny Marr. DONT YOU DARE SAY SOMETHING MEAN ABOUT MORRISSEY! Or Johnny Marr.

*This is an INCREDIBLY CONCEPTUAL project, and applicants should be open to crafting their pieces to fit the project. This could mean trimming, shaping, expanding, revising, etc. Nothing will be done without the playwrights’ permission and everybody will be asked to make whatever changes are needed themselves, but you need to be open to feedback and continued shaping as we work together to create an evening of droll and melancholy but also cohesive and entertaining pop theater. Imagine we’re all writing songs for an album, an album sung by MORRISSEY, only MORRISSEY is played by 6-10 actors who will at no time actually play MORRISSEY. The object will be to create material these actors can play- ideally without any of them doubling characters. This is an “in world” festival, for lack of a better terms. So come in knowing we may/probably will ask you to adjust material to fit better into the world of the evening.

The Legalese:

* Anyone may apply. MORRISSEY doesn’t believe in boundaries, except the unsurmountable one between the lover and the beloved one.

* There is no fee to submit a play for consideration. MORRISSEY knows you’re poor.

* Selected playwrights will receive a small stipend and the opportunity to have their play produced by San Francisco Theater Pub for four performances in January. Small stipends may also be cups of tears.

* San Francisco Theater Pub will handle all production responsibilities for the selected plays, including the director (Stuart Bousel). We reserve the right to choose actors for each play as we see fit.

* The submitted plays, whether chosen for production or not, remain the intellectual property of their authors. San Francisco Theater Pub makes no claims to these scripts and will not cut, edit, or otherwise change the playwright’s dialogue without the writer’s express permission.

* If you have additional questions, please email theaterpub@atmostheatre.com.

We’d look forward to reading your submissions, but we’re sort of laying around the place feeling all sad for ourselves so… whatever.